just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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