I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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