Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Randomize
