I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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