It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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