I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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