i need an iv and a liver transplant
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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