went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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