I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
