Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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