Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
