watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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