so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
