# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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