i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
