All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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