ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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