Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
