I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
