whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Randomize
