I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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