So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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