my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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