So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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