I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
