Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
