I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
