Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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