So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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