Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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