if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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