Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I will be naked everywhere
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
