I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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