Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
