On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
