somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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