if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
