Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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