So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I did not marry a roomba.
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