Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
