I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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