her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i drank out of a bidet.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
