In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
