So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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