I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
