i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
