Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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