this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
