I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The struggles of a small town man whore
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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