I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
