some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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