it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
