...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
