And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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