it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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