atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
