the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
