I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
