90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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