We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
