he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
