I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize