Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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