I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
