Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
