chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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