You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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