somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
