69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
