booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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