It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize