he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
