alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
