The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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