i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
