ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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