Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
