i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
