please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
