dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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