I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
