We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
