he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
