y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
