I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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